hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
