Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
