ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
