the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize