i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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