Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
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You. Win. At. Life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
