I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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