bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
ugly people sure do ruin things
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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