so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
