it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
