i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
