Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
