Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize