Already got asked if we're dating
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
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I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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