Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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