Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
