dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
as a side note pls kill me
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
