god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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