im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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