So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you win again, gameday.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
