I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
