walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
