I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Text me some of your sweat
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
