Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
