so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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