I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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