Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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