do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
