***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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