his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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