the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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