the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
