it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
