from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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