Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
