i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
