i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
