i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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