I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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