I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
