is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
