4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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