Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
