She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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