There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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