capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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