her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
