you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
