is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
