I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
someone owes me an orgasm
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
