Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
