Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
