Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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