she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
