i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
