I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
