i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
