i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
