I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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