you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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