He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
