Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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