You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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