Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
