I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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