I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
