Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
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Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So much rum. So many feels.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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