I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
