we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
