No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
