I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
