I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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