Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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