As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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