she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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