home. puking in laundry basket.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
