just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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