i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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