Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
