I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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