i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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