Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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