I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
