woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
