Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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