Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
