I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
